Eucalyptus’ Pilot makes pitch to randy coke fiends

Of all the indignities Alan Joyce has had to endure, surely this is among the worst.

Tim Doyle’s Pilot, the men’s health sub-brand of the buzzy Woolworths-backed start-up Eucalyptus, figures the former Qantas chief is a handy analogy for men not, ahem, going the distance.

“Don’t finish early and leave a huge mess,” a recent Instagram story with Joyce’s picture stated, after a spiel about how the consumption of cocaine can crimp men’s staying power. It’s a brief pivot from the annoyances of “coke dick” to spruiking Pilot’s erectile dysfunction treatments.

For what it’s worth, we don’t think the analogy at all fair. Joyce had a firm grip and admirable staying power at the national carrier.

What the ad says about Pilot’s parent company, Eucalyptus, is, however, far more potent. We’re assured that in telehealth consultations, Pilot’s doctors warn patients of the dangers of illicit drug use (Pilot’s Instagram ads coyly suggests users “take it easy” if they want “a happy ending”). But on a corporate level, cocaine use is, for Pilot, just another use-case scenario. Who’s its addressable target market? Randy North Shore investment bankers blowing their bonus on lines of ivory! Backers can be assured it’s a growth industry.